The Psychic Energy of Vulnerability: Confession or Exhibition

by Benjamin Eggleton

Scene

So, you’re twelve years old. You’ve just spilled your guts about your biggest crush into the private pages of your diary. Horrified, you watch your brother invade that privacy and reveal your most personal secrets to the whole family, while you sit, petrified at the dinner table. Your parents later address the contents of your diary, scrutinizing your secrets; you can feel the angst and confusion of being a child exponentially compounded by this obvious lack of respect and invasion of privacy.

Confession In the Age of Surveillance

It’s easy to forget that privacy once actually existed. There were depositories of intimate secrets that would equal shame if uncovered. These vulnerable spaces were voluntary and exclusive. Any revelation was supposed to be a decision made solely by the secret holder. In fact, that’s the whole modus operandi–confessions are voluntary disclosures of intimate details which leave the confessor vulnerable.

History of Confession

Ever since St. Augustine of Hippo wrote Confessions³, writing dealt extensively with revealing that personal, vulnerable space. Even as writing claims new mediums and platforms, confession continues as one of its major functions. With the permanence and virtual anonymity of the web, however, the line between confession and exhibition has worn incredibly thin. Does this line even still exist? Can we distinguish the markers of confession and exhibition? Are blurred lines dangerous?

Voyeurism or Confession

Returning to the example of the stolen diary, we don’t really see confession, but rather voyeurism. A key component of confession is that it’s voluntary. The confessor risks judgement, exposure, and criticism when bearing their soul before an audience. Still, they make the decision to share. If, however, instead of your diary being stolen, you decided to stand atop a table in your middle school lunchroom with a bullhorn so everyone could hear you profess your undying love to your crush, that would be a true confession. Imagine how embarrassing that situation could become–in front of everyone–exposed and vulnerable. That’s the operative psychic (emotional and psychological) energy of vulnerability.

Confession or Exhibition

If your personality was a bit different, though…let’s say you weren’t the type to feel embarrassment. Instead of vulnerable confession, you completely owned the moment by proudly displaying your entire host of feelings. Well, this would be an example of exhibition. The major difference between confession and exhibition is the psychic energy behind it. They’re both acts of sharing intimate details, but exhibition comes from a position of taking pride and ownership in the details in question, while confession is more about somewhat admitting to the tender aspects of your soul.

Confession doesn’t have to be about things you’ve done wrong. Quite a bit has changed since St. Augustine. In fact, confession could include any of the items in the chart:

Exhibition can be all of the above, but the sharer takes pride in things that might embarrass or shame others.

The Big Shift

So, what changes? To put it simply, the psychic energy changes from vulnerability to bragging. Make no mistakes: Honest confession can require immense bravery. To shift into exhibition, though, requires taking pride in what’s being shared, because it represents an aspect of your individuality which you refuse to be subjected to shame. 

The question is, then: Why do some people seem more capable of taking pride in their individuality than others? In other words, why are some people better at placing themselves on display with all the confidence in the world? Yet others must struggle through the vulnerability of confession? 

Since both confession and exhibition require courage, the difference seems to be that the exhibitionist no longer feels shame in the items to be exposed, while the reluctant confessor still has to contend with the possibility of unpleasant reception. This leads to the next logical question: What causes this paradigm shift? Is it an individual issue? A cultural change? A communal development? Is it an emboldenment supported by the platform and technology. Certainly, some of it must be that culture is changing, hand-in-hand with individuality, to affect personal attitudes. Perhaps, we should start with shame.

Shame and Renegotiating Emotional Space

In “Shameful or Shameless–If You Had to, Which Would You Choose?”, Dr. Leon F. Seltzer discusses the development of shamelessness as a coping mechanism for people subjected to feelings of shame. Shamelessness (in this instance) is an overreaction against being made to feel ashamed, which could lead to potentially harmful behaviors and attitudes. Importantly, he discusses the origin of feelings of shame–usually projected onto individuals at a young age by authority figures. (To clarify, the shame someone feels isn’t always grounded in anything actually immoral, but rather it’s how they interpret their perceptions of self-worth.)

A prescient example is social thought on sexual orientation. Confessing homosexuality was once nearly unheard of. Many queer² individuals were made to feel shame due to an aspect of their identity. This emotional space–the perception of their own worth as a person–was harmed by authority figures, and the harm was reinforced by societal pressure. Even though it now seems to be much more accepted, the fact remains that this space had to be renegotiated.  In “It’s Science: Why Coming Out Is Good for Your Health”, a post on Lighthouse LGBQT+ Affirming Care³, the authors discuss the negative psychological affects of hiding an aspect of your own identity, specifically queer sexual orientation.  

I chose this example for three reasons: (A.) It highlights how attitudes change when shame is transformed, (B.) It highlights an issue where social pressure has definitely shifted sides, and (C.) It shows the power of community as found on the Web.

Transformation

Earlier, I discussed the difference in psychic energy between confession and exhibition. Then I talked about the shifting perception from shame to pride. To clarify, Dr. Seltzer described the shameless individual as having an identity based in shame, whether or not the shame is truly justified. The act of exhibition, on the other hand, is a rejection of that original shame judgement–saying this is my life and I have nothing to apologize for.

Shifting Social Tides

The social stance on queer sexuality is one of countless examples I could have chosen to illustrate the point that feelings of shame and embarrassment which stem from judgement perceptions are not infallible and permanent. Social opinions evolve and norms change, including the notions of modesty and privacy. So, when society quits trying to shame people about given topics, people are less likely to feel shame regarding those topics.

It Takes a Village

Given the platform of the world wide web, anyone can find any type of community. Couple this with the virtual anonymity of internet use, and you have a unique ability to completely reimagine the landscape of modesty. Endless communities of respect and encouragement supplant the foundation of what was once considered acceptable social behavior. What was once considered a secret to be concealed, or confessed within the closed doors of a small circle, is now a flag to proudly wave. 

One of the most underappreciated victories of modern technology is the platform the internet has given people to feel good about themselves.

Should This Really Be An Exhibition, Though?

Returning to the talk of confession, I would be remiss to downplay its importance. For most of this discussion, I’ve talked about the confession of undesirable attributes. Some aspects of confession are highly positive, but still personal. And, not everything is everyone’s business. There is something sacred about choosing your audience for confession–think closed forums and support groups. Think giddy secrets between best friends.

As witness to the confession, I am given intimate access to receive, forgive, help, heal, encourage, celebrate, and support the confessor. I’m being given an honor not made available to the audience of an exhibition. That is something, as a recipient I shouldn’t take lightly. Nor is it something a confessor should give indiscriminately.  Would I attempt to dissuade you from commanding your identity and taking pride in your life? No.  Still, the web is vast and permanent, so I would caution you to be sure of who you want to be. In five years will you still be proud of the posts you’re writing, the videos you’re uploading, or the pictures you’re sharing? Will you regret not taking the risk and sharing that story? Or will you wish you had cared less what others thought of you and just stood up on the metaphoric table?

I can’t answer those questions for you. You have to answer them for yourself, but I can leave you with some considerations:

• Does this pose a moral or legal issue?
• Over time how will you mature?
• Is this the right community?
• Will this help anyone?
• Should this only be shared with friends?

Final Remarks

Confession and exhibition are both fine forms of sharing, when you rightly consider the audience and impact. Exhibition can be a way of taking ownership of your own identity, but there are certainly risks involved when considering the vast reaches of the web. Confession is also a way of owing identity; when shared with the right audience, it can be empowering, relieving, and sweet. It really comes down to what helps you to be who you want to be.

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End Notes

¹ St. Augustine of Hippo (354-430) wrote Confessions between 397-400 in which he publicly expressed his “sins” to the world. Though his confessions were largely religious, he did set a precedent in writing that continues to this day.
² The term “queer” is used throughout this article in a technical sense to denote non cis sexual orientations.
³ Lighthouse is a blog dedicated to the topic of queer health. They offer resources that can help with coming out. To find out more, go to https://www.lighthouse.lgbt/ .

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Sources

• Seltzer, Leon F. Ph.D. “Shameful or Shameless–If You Had to, Which Would You Choose?”. Psychology Today. (23 Nov 2009).
• “It’s Science: Why Coming Out Is Good for Your Health”, a post on Lighthouse LGBQT+ Affirming Care